I was really flattered that at the end of speaking at a conference, an executive approached me about the training that I do with teams. But there was something very interesting about this conversation. She told me, “Hey, I’m really direct. I call it like it is, and sometimes my team, or even my peers or higher ups, they don’t get it. So I’d love for you to come in and do training to essentially get everyone to know how to deal with me.”
It’s not exactly how she said it, but that’s how I interpreted it. At the same time, I’m thinking, wow, I think training needs to be available for somebody other than everyone else around you. Hint, hint! But this is what I hear so often, is people use the phrase “authenticity.”
“Colleen, I need to show up. I want to be fully authentic. Everybody’s told me that authenticity is the thing, and so this is how I am, and everyone needs to deal with it.” And I always ask the same question – how is that working out for you? And majority of the time, it’s not getting them where they want to be. So when I’m talking about executive presence in your communication, there’s this interpretation of I’ve got to choose one or the other – that I’ve got to either fully be authentic, meaning I won’t waiver, I won’t adjust, 100% me, or you’re telling me I need to be somebody else.
And in fact, that’s not the case at all. I am never sharing with you that you should choose one or the other. It is a blend between the two. What I like to think about it is, refined authenticity. When you are refined, it is expressing a high level of self-awareness and maturity on your part. We can take every single thing that we do, and if we just put a little refinement on it, we’ll be so much better.
And it’s in that same case, that same thought process, when it comes to authenticity. If you can take who you are, I don’t want you to change at the core, your values, your true beliefs, I don’t want those to change. But if we can take the 100% package and refine it slightly, you’re going to get closer to the goals that you want to achieve.
In fact, HBR had an article about how being too much of yourself can backfire. And they talked about how being too much in the way you dress or oversharing or being too direct in your communication can actually backfire on your progression professionally, and dare I say, in your personal life.
So that refined authenticity is where I would invite you to be; to be thinking about how could I be my true self, but refine it so that it is fitting within the cultural norms, the expectations, the nuances of somebody else’s personality, so that the two of you can come together.
It’s not about a win or a lose, who is better or worse, it’s how can I refine who I am so I can find that common ground, and we all win? And especially, you get what you want to achieve in the right way. What are your thoughts around authenticity? Does this refined authenticity speak to you? I hope it does!